Cataclysmic Indecision

16 Sep

So – I got a surprise this morning.  I had just logged out of the game (checking my AM auctions) when Mr. Background Downloader popped up.  He was his typical bright and cheery self and normally I would have been thrilled to see him.

BGDL: Salutations!

Me: Uh….morning ‘DL.

BGDL: Don’t mind me – just going to pack away some files here!  Have to get you ready for the expansion and all!

:: The background downloader begins to hum happily as he starts to cram my laptop harddrive with files…::

I rub the stubble along my jaw…(need to shave still)…and look uncomfortable.

Me: So…uh…that’s the big 4.01 patch huh?  The one that is going to pretty much end Wrath of the Lich King as we know it?

BGDL: Yes sir!  All 1.5 some odd gigabytes of it!  :: Mr. Background Downloader continues to hum distractedly::

Me: ‘DL, you wouldn’t happen to know how long before we’re going to see that patch go live, would you?

BGDL: –Hearty Laughter– Oh heavens no, Mr. Windpaw!  You know they don’t tell me things like that.

Me: Right…right…of course.

BGDL: Oh Mr. Windpaw!  You’ve still got the StarCraft II beta on your harddrive!  Why that’s just gigabytes of space wasted!

Me: (distracted) Yeah – keep meaning to get rid of that.

BGDL: I say Mr. Windpaw, you seem awfully preoccupied this morning.  Is there something a matter?

Me: Kinda ‘DL.  See, that patch you’re loading signals the end of competitive raiding and pvp, it ends the way we’ve all been playing World of Warcraft for the past couple of years.

BGDL: Yes indeed it does!  But won’t that be grand, Sir?  After all, people have been complaining about how how easy Wrath was and how they’re so tired of the AoE fest that heroics have become.

Me: I suppose…

BGDL: Sir?  ::he pauses in his work – and looks at me curiously::

Me: I don’t know ‘DL.  It’s just a bit sudden is all.  They change up so much with that patch.  All of the tanking abilities I’ve learned on Warriors, Paladin and Druids are going to be changed and the damage numbers are all going to be jacked up probably.  The DPS are still going to want to AoE stuff and from what I’m hearing tanks are not going to have the same kinds of tools to respond to that in Cataclysm.

BGDL: Oh alas yes Mr. Windpaw, some things will be frightfully wrecked.  But they’ll be made right before the patch!  … Mostly … I’m sure!

::Mr. Background Downloader continues packing away more files – but he’s stopped humming::

Me: And you know…I just haven’t picked a main yet.  I mean – I’ve been a hunter for quite a while and it’s been fun – but I don’t know if I want to do that in Cataclysm.  And – all of the tanking classes I enjoy seem so different.  Protection Paladins look like they’re going to be full of win, but, but did you know that Crusader Strike and Hammer of the Righteous are going to be on a shared cooldown?  We don’t really have a rotation anymore and people keep saying we’re taking lots more damage than warriors and druids.  Then there’s the whole Holy Power thing!  I mean it’s going to be like 14 seconds before we can really start building threat!

BGDL: Oh – I’m sure the developers will have an answer for that!  Don’t you worry Mr. Windpaw, by the time this patch comes out you’ll be a shield flinging, holy power infused, hammer of mighty justice!

Me: Maybe….maybe…..But what about druids?  I hear cat druids are okay, but that bear form just isn’t doing any damage and that they’ve put swipe on a cooldown!  A cooldown for Crom’s sake!  How am I supposed to keep AoE threat?

BGDL: ::brightly:: But Mr. Windpaw, you said it yourself!  Cataclysm is doing away with that horrible AoE game!  You’ll be able to manage your targets like a real tank again, by assigning targeting priorities and working your threat intelligently!  You’ll have more fun on that big hairy bear than ever before!

Me: Right – I understand that Cataclysm is doing away with the AoE game, but they haven’t done anything with all of those DPS players?  Do you have something in that patch that’s going to stop them from trying to gang-bang recount before I even make the pull?  Things are going to be a mess ‘DL!

BGDL: I do believe we’re nerfing the dickens out of most of their AoE, that should help shouldn’t it, Mr. Windpaw?

Me: Maybe..maybe….

BGDL: Oh I say sir – you do seem glum.  Hear, hear, listen now.  Don’t you think you’re being a bit fatalistic about this whole patch?  I mean – it is just a patch sir.  Giving  you the basic files and all that so that you get back into the game sooner on release day!  And you have been pining for Cataclysm’s release date haven’t you?

Me: Yeah….

BGDL: And this business about how jiggered up all of your favorite classes are!  Things are still in beta!  Doesn’t it seem a bit premature to be worrying about class viability right now?  The developers are working on balancing classes around new talents and abilities and the fact that you have 5 more levels to scale with.  Things are sure to be a bit dodgy at first.

Me: I suppose…

BGDL: There now, it will all be just fine!   When this patch comes out we’ll nerf the stuffing out of all of that raid content (again) so that  you and all of your friends can go and rediscover the game and how your characters are going to change and grow with the new talents and abilities.  It will be loads of fun!

Me: ::anguished:: But ‘DL – I won’t know how to play my characters anymore!

BGDL:  ::laughs delightedly:: Oh Sir! That’s true, but neither will anyone else!


Me: Oh…right…..

BGDL: See?  Isn’t that all better now?

Me: Yeah…it might be…thanks ‘DL.

BGDL: My pleasure Mr. Windpaw!  Now you run along and take care of your morning constitutional while I finish up here!

Me: Sure thing.   Oh say – how long do you think it’s going to take you to finish downloading?

BGDL: ::peers at me from over his glasses:: Sir…on this bicycle powered, Arkansas WiFi Internet you have?  You’ll be lucky if I’m done before Cataclysm is released.

Me:  ::wincing:: Ouch…okay…thanks again ‘DL.  Good morning to you.

BGDL: And good morning to you too Sir!

And good morning to the rest of you out there!  Is anyone else freaked out a little bit about the background downloader popping up?  I mean YAY CATACLYSM MOAR SOON!  But – AAAAAAGHGH!  What’s happening to my characters!



Now – I’m pretty sure everything is going to work out okay.  I just have to stop reading the forums where everyone and their brother is predicting the death of their favorite class.  How about you?  Anything have you excited?  Scared?  BOTH!???


*oh…and if you read all of Mr. Background Downloader’s entries in Professor Putricide’s voice…you’re doing it right…

Good news everyone!


6 Responses to “Cataclysmic Indecision”

  1. Kae September 16, 2010 at 15:13 #

    Hehe, great post.

    I’ve got some reservations about the 4.0 class changes occurring before my guild has overcome the last raid content, but only because HLK wasn’t balanced for such class changes and we’d have to relearn how to play before we can continue with attempts.

    As for the changes themselves… I’m not fretting too much over them. Changes will come and everyone will have a period of adjustment to the new game, ne? And then… we can fly over Azeroth! Yay!

  2. shinnorah September 16, 2010 at 16:44 #

    I’m suffering from the same combination of excitement and panic as you are. On one hand, I’m so excited for the new guild features! On the other hand, terrified of tanking in live Cata, because I know how rocky it’s been in beta. Plus there’s so much more I still need to do! My druid just got to the point where I can begin grinding Brood of Nozdormu rep, so I’m nowhere near ready for the expansion and the disappearing act of the Shifting Sands questline! ARGH.

    I also have mixed feelings on what to play for the new main. Leaning heavily towards druid, but – hmm…

  3. Capn John September 16, 2010 at 21:25 #

    Professor Putricide? Oh, whoops. I got about half way through when I realized I’d begun reading BGDL with the voice of Red Dwarf’s ‘Kryten’ –

    That worked for me 🙂

  4. Lal September 17, 2010 at 01:59 #

    Hilarious post! =D

    Also… “Too soon!!” Lil’ bit of panic here, too.

  5. wow rare spawn September 23, 2010 at 05:46 #

    Can’t wait for cataclysm. Game is going to be so awesome. Wish it would come out already! Also great post. Love your site!

  6. Squawkbox October 9, 2010 at 19:22 #

    This is great! Love your site! and imagine my suprise to find you are in Arkansas as well! It is a small world after all. Also from your newest post, from one vet to another, thank you.

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