If there is one holiday that I feel is almost wholly and truly belonging to the Alliance, it is Brewfest. While I do not begrudge my Horde brethren their annual worship at the altar of hops and barley, I do question where they hold the celebration itself. Though Orgimmar is a mighty city and one near and dear to my heart, it is not I think, a place where one can enjoy fine ale the way it was meant to be enjoyed.
Blogosphere: But Uncle Windpaw – how is it supposed to be enjoyed?
Ehrengar – Fine Dwarf and Purveyor of Good Brew: Why sitting around a table inside a warm and cozy inn with the snow and the ice and the bite of winter outside of course! Beer tastes best with a bit of cold as spice!
Growl – Night Elf Druid – Rarely drinks more than a light Hefeweisen: If that’s true – why all the sausages?
Ehrengar: Because sausage and beer and fine soft pretzels all covered in good brown mustard with some melted cheese on the side are the food the titans set forth at the first table for the dwarf lords and their kin!
Growl: I didn’t know that. Fascinating. But…there are like ten different kinds of sausage here.
Ehrengar: Aye lad, the table they set forth for the dwarf lords is so storied that deep in guts of the dwarves is a fire to recreate it in its original glory! So every Brewfest, our finest cooks and most famous brewers sweat blood in order to honor the first feast!
Growl: Speaking of fire in the guts – watch out for the little red ones – it’s like eating tiny, greasy pyroblasts.
Ehrengar: Hah! Those are Herrick Stonardsson’s Stranglethorn Ogre Toes! Best with something light and fruity and more than a few bubbles. Much like that woman’s beer you’re drinking now!
:: An iron shod guantlet streaks across the intervening space and hits Ehrengar square in his great red nose ::
Ehrengar: Curses woman! You’ve gone and dumped me tankard!
Angharrad – Dwarfen Lady-Paladin of Note and drinker of Ironman Crawley’s Black Brew of Uldum: It’s no loss then as you’re drinking ale as brown as mud and not black as night and thick as axle grease as you should…::sniffs:: woman’s brew indeed.
Anyway – you can see where I’m going. Nothing in my experience says beer and sausage like the Brewfest Tents in Dun Morogh. And while I know the Orcs have a fine brewing tradition themselves, the brutally hot weather and dust of the high desert around Orgrimmar just doesn’t lend itself to feasting and celebration the way the mountain and snow clad dwarfen lands do. As hot as Org’ is it would be tough to enjoy anything heavier than a light pilsner spiked with lemonade. And the ram racing? The poor things keep keeling over from heat exhaustion. D.H.E.T.A. has heard about this and they will act. It’s just a matter of time.
Plus, that pigs-swill the Ogre’s keep pushing on every one each year? Have you ever smelled that stuff in 100 degree heat? It’s like they’ve distilled the essence of sweaty arse, mixed it with room temperature pond water and sealed it up tight in kegs to fulminate for a while. Tapping one of those things in desert heat is like tapping into a pathway to the realm of ultimate suffering.
So join with me friends. Join with me and sign this petition to have the Horde’s Brewfest tents moved somewhere more suitable for the enjoyment of fine brew and the foods that garnish it best. The high desert is fine and will make a warrior strong and hale – but it’s too hot and too blessed dirty for the ale!
** and thanks to my guildies for starring rather unexpectedly in this post! – best read with touch of the of County Mayo lilt